If you like the image above, it was rendered by my good friend and former romantic partner Stacy.


New! Finally posted the files to the new host! Yay! Let's see if anyone notices! Probably not! In any event, I am palnning on taking advantage of a domain I bought years ago -- pontification.com -- to jump, years late, on the long departed bandwagon of political/philosophical/yadda yadda blogging, if I can figure out how to set the software up. My main goal (being Lizard) is purely venal -- I figure with google ads and some luck, I can scrape 15 bucks a month out of it, enough to pay for hosting and World of Warcraft.

Old! I'm not dead! It's something worse. I've been caught up in another pointless internet fad, namely, blogging. You can read the excruciatingly dull details of my life at this site. I also post rants there when the non-spirit moves me. Enjoy!

Old! Well, it's a sign. Someone decided to send me some hate mail, so I had to post it. And, as long as I'm here (and not working on my latest writing project, sorry Wil, I *will* get you "Giant Sucking Sound" and "No Fly Zone" by deadline, I promise), I might as well post an essay I wrote last summer, regarding, of all things, a moment I had which called my long-held atheism into doubt. For the first time in my life, I had a genuinely spiritual experience. Read about it, and ponder it well.

Shameless plug department -- some of my newest game-writing work appears in Fantasy Flight Games' "Seafarer's Handbook", available at finer gamestores everywhere.

Not New! Yes, I've succumbed to the urge of all essayists, and decided to comment on Current Events. Here's my incoherent ramble. Let it stand as a monument to what I was thinking at the time, and not necessarily as wisdom to live for the ages.

New!By the way, for those of my fans (both of you, I know you're out there, I can hear you snoring) who are also gamer geeks, I'd like to encourage you to pick up some of my for-pay work, which, at the moment, include Creature Collection II from Sword&Sorcery studios (Either one or two of the critters in there is mine;I'll need the book to be sure. Author's copies are apparently delivered via 'crippled slug express'), regular articles in The Excellent Prismatic Spray and some contribution to Cugel's Compendium, both from Pelgrane Press, and a lot of stuff in Traps&Treachery, a new hardcover D20 supplement from Fantasy Flight Games. This is all work-for-hire;I get no royalties, so my main interest is, as always, pure ego -- I like people to read what I write. Of course, I'd keep writing even if no one read it -- I write because I cannot not write. In any event, no one will ever be dumb enough to pay me for my incoherent rants, so they will remain here, free of charge for all eternity.

New! My wife essentially dared me to link to her weblog. I have decided to take her up on it.

Ancient! Since the government is literally on the brink of making the use of secure encryption a crime, it seems only fit that I start using it. Lizard's PGP Public Key is here

New! For what it's worth, I'm currently struggling to get my new Eudora to work as nicely with PGP as my old Eudora did. Anyone who knows how to integrate PGP w/Eudora 5.n, please let me know...

Over Four Years Old! In a fit of even more pointless narcissism, Lizard has registered a domain name (Now active!) -- mrlizard.com. (lizard.com was taken, so I considered 'lizardnet.com', but decided to go with something less cyberhip. Besides, I always envisioned myself as the host of a kiddie show..."Today, boys and girls, Mr. Lizard will teach you how to defy authority for the sake of defying authority! Can you say 'Die, fascist pigs?' I knew you could! Now, Mr. Lizard will give you the URLs to the Terrorists Handbook -- but don't use it yourself! Leave it where someone you don't like can find it, and watch them blow themselves up with the inaccurate bomb recipes! Can you say 'disinformation'? Good!")

Well, maybe not...:)

Yes! It's... the...Index

(Aren't you thrilled?)




Journal Of Applied Misanthropology


Lizard's hopefully-growing section of reviews, commentaries, etc, mostly on geek-friendly movies.

General Copyright Notice

(In italics 'cause it looks more legal that way)

This covers all my writings posted to the net, excepting e-mail, unless otherwise noted in any individual post. (IOW,unless a post explicitly says otherwise, this copyright applies)

Use of this material is hereby granted for the following purposes:

Use is explicitly not granted for the following purposes:

The above should not be seen as overriding existing laws regarding 'fair use', criticism, etc. If you couldn't figure it out, my primary interest is not in restricting my writing (I'm far too egotistical for that) but in making sure it is not used to 'add value' to something, unless I get my fair share. I will happily enter into negotiations with anyone willing to pay for the rights to collect and publish my works. (Of course, any such person would most likely be broke from purchasing bridges in Brooklyn and real-estate in Florida)

Lizards Email Rules

While Newsgroup 'netiquette' is pretty well standardized, it seems that email netiquette is not, given the odd responses I've gotten from people after I've done what seemed to me to be perfectly valid things with their email. In order to avoid any confusion, here's the rules.

  1. Please do not send me copies of anything you've posted to a newsgroup in reply to a post of mine. I'll assume you didn't post, send you an email followup, then have to post the same thing to a newsgroup when I realize what you've done. So don't do it. Thanks.
  2. Any email you send me becomes my property. I can post it to any newsgroup I please, or to my web site, or send it to anyone else. This includes mailing list mail, unless the list has an explicit ban on such actions as a condition of list membership.
  3. If you object to the above, then form a contract with me. Send me a letter asking if I will agree to not repost a specific forthcoming message. If I agree not to, then send me your message. I honor my contracts.



These are all Lizard's own words of wisdom(?). Permission to use them in .sigs, bumper stickers, or to induce vomiting among the politically correct or terminally sensitive is hereby granted.

Other People's



The following are examples of what Lizard views as extraordinary dimness. I'm going to have to be fairly selective, since I could easily fill gigabytes with material gleaned from Usenet alone.


Okay, the title is a misnomer. There are very few frequently asked questions about me, or my political rantings, or anything else. However, some topics come up time and again, and, besides, I'm a megalomaniacal egotist whose favorite subject is himself, so I'm writing this.

There are a few very frequently asked questions, so I'll answer them now:

Q: Are you ever going to shut up and go away? For real?

A: No. I take the occasional few-month sabbatical, but you'll never be rid of me for good. Deal. Or learn to use killfiles.

Q: So why don't you use your real name, huh? What are you, chicken? (Usually asked by someone posting as 'frodo@mordor.com')

A: If I used, say, 'Josh Greenberg' (a real person I knew once), it would be just as much 'not my real name' as Lizard -- indeed, it would be much more not my real name, since many-many people know me on sight as 'Lizard', and far fewer know me on sight by my 'legal' name. Josh Greenberg is also not my legal name, but it 'sounds' real, so people would, for some unknown reason, assume it was my legal name, if I used it, which I don't. This brings up a major point many people overlook. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS NON-ANONYMOUS POSTING ON THE NET. Just because someone uses a 'real' sounding name, doesn't mean it is their legal name. And, for that matter, it says 'Lizard' on my business cards, on my cubicle at work, and on my voice mail at work. Most of the snail-mail I get, other than bills, is addressed to 'Lizard'. I have friends I've known for years who could not tell you my 'legal' name. For all purposes other than maintaining a bank account, my name really is Lizard. (And I'm likely to go through the legal rigmarole of changing it soon, too)

And some slightly less frequently asked questions...

Q: Are you the same Lizard I know...

...from AOL (LizardNC/LizardNYC): Yes.

...from Compu$erve? (In the Issues,CB or Religion/Section 8 forums): Yes.

...from East Coast fandom/the SCA? Probably.

...from High School? No, because I wasn't named Lizard then.

...from IRC/MUD/MUSH/MOO? No, I don't use my real name on those. (As far as I'm concerned, Lizard is my real name) (What name do I use on those? That would be telling....)

Q: What do you look like?

A: I can't post any photos of myself, since the lens keeps breaking. Let's just say I've achieved an inversion of the Greek ideal -- a thoroughly corrupt mind housed in a thoroughly revolting body. However, I've gotten Stacy to use her not inconsiderable artistic skill to sketch me as she sees me, and I have posted that.

Q: OK, so what do your cats look like?

A: Glad you asked. This wouldn't be much of a home page without a bandwidth-wasting .gif file, would it? And here it is!.

Q: Where are you currently posting from?

A: Currently, I'm mostly lurking, but I post occasionally in rec.games.frp.misc and some sci-fi groups. I'm also active on the fight-censorship and web-law mailing lists.


Lysander Spooner
This man wrote the most subversive book ever published in America.

Q: Do you really believe all that lunatic extremist garbage?

A: Yup.

Q: What is capitalism?

A: Capitalism is an economic system based on the private ownership of the means of production. Let's break that down:

a) PRIVATE: Owned by an individual, at least originally. The individual can join with other individuals to collectively own property, but the right to ownership by the collective derives from the original ownership by the individuals who compose it.

b) OWNERSHIP: The individual is not merely 'taking care of' the property. He has not been granted a trust to use it 'in the public good'. He is not an 'administrator'. He owns it. He can do as he likes with it, limited only by the fact he doesn't own other people's property. (I can't dump my toxic waste on your land, because you own your land. I can't bury my knife in your back, because I don't own your back.)

c) MEANS OF PRODUCTION: What is the fundamental means of production? The individual human mind and body. Who is the only rightful owner of an individual's mind and body? THAT INDIVIDUAL HIMSELF. Any system which denies ownership of the self, such as slavery, is inherently anti-capitalistic and should be fought by all capitalists. Any system which preaches that the individual belongs to the state, or to society, or to the world, is a system which preaches slavery, and should be fought by all.

Further, in a capitalist society, there are NO LIMITS ON THE NATURE OF THE CONTRACTS WHICH MAY BE MADE BETWEEN CONSENTING ADULTS. Any society which limits such contracts is, to the extent it limits them, not a capitalist society. If I cannot sell you drugs, or pornography, or seditious literature, then I am not living in a capitalist society (assuming you are an adult). If I cannot use my own property to express any views I wish, from 'Workers of the world, unite!' to 'Kill the Jews', then I am not living in a capitalist society. (And if you can compel me to express a view, I am likewise not living in a capitalist society.)

What most people think of as capitalism -- stocks, bonds, white men in suits, etc -- is just a minor visible manifestation of the above ethical principles. If you don't have those basic principles, you don't have capitalism. If they don't apply to everyone, regardless of birth status, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, etc -- you don't have capitalism.

Q: What is the role of government in a capitalist society?

A: Basically, there is none. Government is inherently coercive (thus violating the 'consensual' portion of the definition), and can only exist by seizing some property by force (thus violating 'ownership'). If there is any role for the State in a capitalist society, it is as an arbiter and enforcer of contracts -- it has no role in determining the content of them.

Q: But I thought anarchists were communists?

A: Some are. Some aren't. The leftists have almost completely buried right-anarchy from the public view. Thanks to the Internet, though, the tradition is being revived. I recently found an exceptional set of classic anarchocapitalist/individualist-anarchist writings at http://www.math.ku.dk/~buhl/Library/. This has Spooner, Bastiat, Childs, and lots more good stuff. Enjoy!

Further, one of the best modern writers of libertarian/anarchist SF is online! He is L. Neil Smith, and he's dead bril. Read his essays. His main concern is gun rights, and he has a lot of good things to say on the subject. My only minor gripe with him would be that he still seems to believe that political action is useful. I'd like to believe he's right, but frankly, I'm quite convinced that reform within the bounds of the political system is simply no longer feasible.

The Liberty Manifesto by P.J.O'Rourke, who is one of the best political commentators alive. This page will link you back to an unofficial P.J. page, which is quite nice, contains just enough text to be interesting and not violate copyright (IMO), and will do until he gets a page of his own.

Q: Isn't democracy good?

A: What, you read all my quotes and still dare to ask me that? What are you, dense? No, democracy is not good. At best, you can claim democracy is a means to an end -- that end being liberty. What has happened over the past few centuries, however, is that democracy has become an end in itself -- it doesn't matter what government does, or who it does it to, so long as it is done 'democratically'.

Democracy, in many ways, is worse than out-and-out tyranny -- because the people are deluded into thinking they are free.

Further, there is no tyranny in history that was not, in fact, supported de facto, if not de jure, by 'the people'. No tyrant rules or can rule by decree. All tyrants need the support of a massive infrastructure of thugs and hooligans, and the tacit support of 'the little people'. Look at the great tyrannies of the 20th century -- National Socialist Germany, the USSR, the People's Republic of China, and many more. All of them emphasize the collective, the group, the mob -- in other words, 'The People'. All of them made great shows of mass rallies, parades, arenas, public works, public schools, public housing, public health care, public this, public that. The great mass of the people knew what was happening, knew who was being slaughtered and enslaved, and the great mass of the people didn't care --because it wasn't happening to them.

The only reason that America has not fallen (wholly) into that trap is because the founders made this a very undemocratic nation. The Bill of Rights is a slap in the face of 'the people', an assault on their right to do whatever the hell they want to whoever the hell they want (which is the essence of democracy -- unrestrained mob rule). How does it begin? Congress shall make no law. (Pity it doesn't end there, too.) In other words, the people cannot vote to censor books, ban religions, strip others of their rights -- because that power is denied to the government. If this country ever becomes a democracy, then load your rifle, encrypt your data, and wait for the revolution.

Q: How does ownership of property begin? Doesn't everyone own everything?

A: Nature is by default unowned. Ownership begins by creating value from raw nature -- by turning a field into a farm, a tree into a cabin, a mountain into a mine. By creating value from raw resources, you establish initial ownership.

Q: But most of the property currently 'owned' was taken from its original owners by force -- often many times over.

A: Sadly, true. But I don't see how repeating the process is any solution. Most of the 'stolen' property has had enough value added again to it, over enough time, that meaningful ownership does rest with the current owners. And, even if this is not the case, locating the original 'owners' is just about impossible. Anyone who thinks there will be no justice until all the world is given back to its original owners is hereby invited to found a 'Normans Out Of England' movement, and get back to me when the Saxons have their land back. Then we'll discuss the trendier, politically correct cases. 'Kay? (Of course, the Saxons took it from someone else, probably the Picts...)

Or to summarize: We can't all go back to Olduvai Gorge where we came from. Deal with it.

Q: You say 'deal with it' a lot.

A: Yes. Reality, I hate to tell you, doesn't bend itself to our wishes. Reality is what is. As was noted on MST3K, "Crap in one hand, wish in the other, and see what piles up first." You might wish all the past injustices could be corrected, but they can't be. The only thing we can do it try to prevent any more injustices. And, further, there is only one reality. There is no 'bourgeois' reality, no 'feminist' reality, no 'Third World' reality. Reality is reality is reality. It isn't open to debate or appeal. There is no higher court.

Q: Some people would say you are insensitive to the needs of oppressed people.

A: They'd be wrong. I'm insensitive, period. I scored a perfect 100 on the Thinking/Feeling axis of the Meyers/Briggs test. (I'm an INTP, if anyone cares) My childhood idol was Mr. Spock. (Also, Dr. Smith from 'Lost in Space', Gollum from 'The Hobbit', Scrooge (before he reformed) and the Grinch (ditto).)

Q: What about censorship?

A: It cannot exist, by definition, in a capitalist society. If any outside force can prevent you from using your property to communicate your views, then, you no longer have ownership of your property, thus, you are no longer living in a capitalist society.

Q: The newspaper won't print my letter to the editor proving that Trilateral Commission is secretly fluoridating our drinking water to make us taste better to the 'Grays'. I've been censored!

A: No, you haven't been. You don't own the newspaper -- thus, you cannot claim a right to have your views published at their expense. Start your own paper.

Q: Shouldn't children be protected from pornography?

A: Frankly, I don't think so, nor do I care. Parents have a right to raise their children as they see fit. Evolutionary pressure will filter out the bad memes, over time. But any law or policy designed to 'protect children' at the expense of the rights of adults is not to be tolerated. The liberties of free adults must take precedence over the 'protection' of children.

Q: What about the right to bear arms?

A: An absolute right. Let there be no doubt:The primary reason for the right to bear arms is not defense against crime, not hunting, but defense against the State. If the people as a whole do not possess the means to overthrow the State, the State may rule without fear. What good does 'democracy' do, when there is no means to make the rulers obey the result of the vote? (Not that democracy is anything to write home about, see above).

Q: But won't that lead to armed mobs running loose in the streets?

A: Have you looked outside lately? We already have armed mobs running loose in the street -- hordes of thugs gaudily dressed in their gang colors, regularly harassing innocent bystanders, beating up anyone they don't like, and shooting people even as they flee -- but enough about the police. The unlicensed criminals are even worse. It's easy to be tough, when you have a gun -- and no one else does. Currently, most guns are in the hands of criminals or the agents of the State -- the two classes of people who should not be trusted with them. No person, having decided to embark upon a life of crime, was stopped from doing so because owning a gun would be against the law! Once you've decided to rob, rape, murder, or run for public office, a trivial thing like gun laws won't stop you from carrying out your evil plans.

However, the knowledge you stand a better-than-average chance of getting shot, will. (Unless you're a loony, but there is no way to be safe against loonies -- all laws or social customs are made under the assumption of general sanity.)

It was recently pointed out to me by a reader that Vermont has unlimited concealed carry privileges, and that the image summoned up by Vermont is not armed mobs, but maple syrup. Now, granted, I *loathe* maple syrup, but very few Vermonters are killed in drive-by syrupings.

Q: Shouldn't society care for (pet cause of the month)?

A: Society shouldn't care for anybody, and can't, because society doesn't exist. Individual people exist. If you want to care for (pet cause of the month), be my guest.

Q: What's wrong with caring for people?

A: It depends on who you're caring for, and why. But the issue isn't "Should one person care for another?". The issue is: "Should society be permitted to compel people to care for one another?" Of course not. If you attach any moral weight to compassion (I don't), you will agree that compassion by coercion has no moral value. Unlike political power, compassion does not flow from the barrel of a gun. State-mandated compassion produces, not love for ones fellow man, but hatred and resentment. The breakdown of 'basic civility' and the rise of the welfare state occur concurrently.

This was further driven home to me by the recent rise of beggars who concoct extended reasons for their current state of need. Many now wear signs reading 'Car broke down, must fix, only need $50.00, wife and baby desperate'. Perhaps some of those with such signs are honest. But due to the welfare state, we tend to assume all of those in need of money are committing some form of scam. Why? The welfare system removes the moral responsibility (if you feel you have one) to alleviate suffering from the individual. Why give a quarter to a beggar? Aren't your taxes already going to provide them with homeless shelters, soup kitchens, and the like? Are there no workhouses? Thus, in order to win favor, the beggars must pretend to be those for whom the instruments of state charity do not apply.

But, of course, you can't verify each one's claims. So you give to no one, and you grow progressively more hardened towards any claims of need.

Those who engage in such fraud do more than simply rook a few rubes -- there's no great immorality in taking advantage of truly excessive stupidity. Rather, by turning compassion into the means by which one is defrauded, rather than the means by which one becomes closer to ones fellow man, they turn virtue (if you believe compassion to be a virtue) into vice. 'Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.', goes the saying, and few wish to be fooled twice.

There was a time, not all that long ago, when those reduced to begging for sustenance at least acknowledged they were living solely off the goodwill of others, and realized their only means of payment was goodwill in return. Now, however, the welfare state and decades of 'progressive' social thought has created a class of people who believe they have the right to live by the labor of another, and, if someone does not give them money voluntarily, they are morally justified in siezing it by force or fraud. Liberal commentators love to laugh whenever a conservative blames the welfare system for a particularly well-publicized crime, but the morality of welfare and the morality of theft is identical -- the belief that a need for something translates into a right to it.

Q: It seems to me that you're just advocating selfishness and greed!

A: Took you this long to figure it out, huh? What happened, you ended up here while looking for the Nekkid Wimmin page? Yeah, that's right, I'm advocating selfishness and greed. Greed is good. No, scratch that -- Greed is God -- if by 'God' you mean the source of all that is good, the source of all creation and progress. If it wasn't for Greed, and his two cousins Laziness and Selfishness, we'd still be picking fleas out of each others hair and flinging dung at passing lions.

Comments? Whines? Complaints? Offers of wild, passionate net.sex? Send the the first three to:

The latter, I'm afraid, must remain on hold due to my current state of matrimony. ("Bigamy:One wife too many. Syn:Monogamy")

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